To fully understand me...lets start here

I figured the best way to start this wonderful journey might be to remember the last bad one. So here is my birth story from August 2008. The first arrangement gone bad.....



My Birth Story
I have been couch surfing since 23 weeks. 11 weeks of bed rest, one summer wasted two babies later, back to the couch. After going to the hospital twice and being sent home in labor, pregnancy looses its appeal, and the desire no longer is there. But, not much I can do about that now.
I went to my specialist appointment on Monday August 18. My IF, did not attend. This was an trans-vaginal ultrasound, in which he would not be allowed into the room. But he never even asked if he could be there. So, a bit up setting but hey it just adds to the dramatic effect. At this point he has been in San Diego since Aug 10th, and I have yet to meet him. We have kept in communication 2 times a week…but that’s it. So, the doctor comes in after the technician did her thing and does her thing. Baby B, Carson, has about 50% less fluid then Caylee, Baby A does. Ugh. So she told me to stop taking the med’s prescribed to me and we would let my body do it’s thing, but September 4th was as far as she would let me go if nothing happened, as he could get dangerously low on fluid by that point. Sigh. Go home.
I called my IF and told him what was going on. He asked if the fluid level could be a issue, and I told him that it “could” be but not for about two weeks or so. OK, conversation ended. Uggg.
Wednesday August 20, 2008. Doctor appointment with my regular OB. My husband and I went to my appointment, I was hoping that she would check my cervix and I would have dilated. I did not have many contractions since Monday, maybe a few, but honestly they were more like cramps and not contractions. She measured me, 50 weeks, uggg. Is that even possible? To measure almost 1 year gestation. Are you sure? Really? She listened to the hearts and said everything sounded good. Asked if I wanted to be checked and I refused. I figure that if I started to contract I would go to triag or my water would break or a bigger gush would finally come out from Carson. I went straight to the couch and laid down, since now my feet and thighs were totally swollen from the activities of the day, so I wanted to kick them up and relax.
Shortly after dinner my girlfriend called me and we talked for a while. I walked out side, since bed rest is not really a requirement at this point. I was walking around in the fresh air talking. My daughter took a picture of me, LOL the one I posted, but glad she did.
At about 7pm I had a contraction. A little one but this was definitely not a cramp. Could this be?? Could this be it??? Nothing, nothing for the next hour. Sigh, too good to be true. I was 34 weeks, and I at this point am willing to go another 2 weeks but if it happens, I would not be mad at it. I sat here on my best friend, the couch, I cant wait to get rid of! LOL. Yes new furniture is in the near future, and actually was supposed to be a long time ago but I could not commit to a style I wanted. So, I just sat here on the couch and crochet my blanket I have been working on since the Thursday before. I was just watching my husband play with our 3 kids. He was tickling them and wrestling around. Activities that can make a mother smile proudly as well as cringe knowing that he is a lot stronger then they are and some times he does not realize the strength he holds with in him. But the laughter is intoxicating. It is amazing as mothers what we will put aside in our wants and needs department for others. In my case, wanting to bring life into this world that would otherwise not exist with out me. My family sacrificed a lot this summer. The hole summer spent on the couch. Un able to take my kids to a park, Sea World or just simple task of school shopping. In which my 5 year old son could care less, however my daughter Alyssa, very important.
After the WWE match, and fighting for what seemed like forever with the kids, all were put to bed, and hubby and I were left to collapse on the, infamous couch at 9:30. At this point I am tired but I know I cant fall asleep since that does not seem to be a past time of mine right now. So I took one of my little life savers, my doctor had to prescribe for me after an insomnia attack of 3 hole nights and 2 days spent crying in exhaustion. She was so worried I would become MORE, more?? Depressed then I was. Thank god she gave me these little pills. They are 100% safe for the babies and truly a life saver. It is no secret that my IF and I had different views on how a pregnancy needs to be handled, and being women and have been pregnant before, not to mention the one pregnant now. He did not understand why I could not just follow his every one request no matter how silly they may be. Well after about 8 weeks of bed rest, very little interaction or appreciation from him, no sleep…patients and tear ducts are hard to control.
At about 10pm, Dave (DH) and I decide the couch is no longer prime real estate and the bed is much more appealing. Keep in mind NOTHING fun and exciting is going on in that bed besides sleeping. Since June 13…yes June 13. But… My hubby and I are big kids. Maybe that is why my house if filled with toys and video games, and we are OK with it. Every night we lay in bed and battle each other on our Nintendio DS’. LOL. Yes we lay in bed at night with Mario and Lugi. This night I decide that I was not in the full combat mode and rather just watch and drift off into my video game behind the eye lids. At 12:30am, I woke up cold. I looked over to my husband, who was still playing Lego Star Wars, and asked him if he could grab the blanket and cover me up. As you know I live in CA, and cold nights have not been a blessing in our area. So I was a bit surprised that I am cold. I mean cold. After I got the blanket on me and woke up a bit more I started to realize that I am shaking and teeth chattering. That’s not cold that’s freezing, like winter in the middle of the snow freezing. Skinny dipping on Christmas eve freezing. I rolled over and rolled out of bed. I pulled on some sweats and a T-shirt. Plopped on my big comfy slippers and headed to the bath room. When I was walking back to my bed room, wham, contractions like a ton of bricks. There was NO warning, they were hard and lasted about 35 seconds and came about 2 minutes apart. Wow, that was random.
I just looked at my husband and he started getting dressed, he knew. I tried to intercom my mom, with no success. At this point my husband had my car packed, since I have been packed and ready. We have had plenty of dry runs, we were ready for the real thing. For lack of better judgment on my part I said lets go. We got in the car and began to drive. I kept calling my mom on her cell phone. My husband just said, babe quit calling people, what if they don’t keep you again, or give you more med’s, you are going to wake up all our friends and family for a second time and not have anything happen?? LOL. He is so cute. Uh, NO, my mom needs to come to our house. That’s where I get this deer in the head lights look from him, what do you mean mom wake up?? I knew something was wrong with the freezing chills I was having and the instantaneous hard labor contractions that I failed to mention that. Oops. I should have had him run back there and get her up, but I thought she would wake up from the constant phone calls.
We get to the hospital and head up to triage. They have me pee in a cup, sign a form that I am not being beaten at home and put me in a make shift room equipped with it’s very own curtain. Im still in pain. It is now about 2:15am or so. Dave tried to call my mom again, a few times and then my dad. At first I was trying to avoid waking up my dad, but at this point I am 35 to 45 minutes away from my house and my kids, although my mom lives 20 yards away, are alone in the house. He came in as I was having another fit. The nurse had put on the fetal heart beat monitors as well as the toco, contraction monitor. And once again, I began to get light headed, short breath and felt like I was going to pass out. I called out to the nurse that was out side at the desk and told her that this happened last time and I needed oxygen. Dave was very un happy to see this happen for the second time. It is scary. After they got me stabilized again, the nurse told me she was going to call the doctor, and low and behold Dr. Gray my OB, I had just saw was on call. Thank the lord. I looked at my husband and told him that if I had not progressed a whole bunch into labor, I was going to accept the magnesium to stop labor. So, since he was un able to wake my mom, I told him to haul butt home and come straight back. He was reluctant, but agreed.
By this time I believe it was about 3am. Dr. Gray comes into my room and put’s the blood pressure cuff on and takes my temperature at the same time. Keep in mind I am STILL shivering. She begins to put her glove on and tells me she is going to check me. I am in so much pain at this point that I barely can roll over and open up. But I breath deep and roll my swollen butt. She barely entered and looked at me and said, “looks like we need to deliver,” She asked me if I had the required paperwork that I needed and told the nurse to get me prepped for a c-section. We had agreed upon a c-section due to the fact that Carson was transverse breech, still on Monday, and as a doctor and the hospital really frown on attempting a vaginal delivery of a breach baby. Also at this point in my life I wanted my tubes tied. I was done. I was completely jaded by this surrogacy and really at this point was not wanting any more children. Since my big tough man of a husband was to “manly” to go through a vasectomy, I wanted my tubes tied. Rain coats and zip loc baggies are no longer appealing to me. I mean come on we have been married for 8 years, it’s time to act like adults and experience “sampling” with out restrictions…
A nurse came In with a wheel chair and said are you ready? I looked at my stuff in it’s “patient property” bag and asked for my cell phone. It’s not here. Crap. My husband has it. GREAT. How can I call him, if he has all 3 cell phones. Uggg. I got into the wheel chair, panting breathing and trying hard to be brave. I told them I needed to get a hold of Dave so he can come back, mom awake or not, I needed him. We got to the third floor, which is labor and delivery. They put me in this abandoned room. It has all the equipment but no phone or TV. It was just temporary since I was headed straight for the OR, but I NEEDED A PHONE!!! They were asking me questions putting papers in my face to be signed. A sweet little girl came in to get my IV started. In between these painful mother of all painful contractions and she cant find a vane. Really? It took 3 times and still nothing. It hurt and I am crying at this point. I needed my husband to be here, I wanted these contractions to go away. And she cant find a vain. Hello they are the dark blue things running in my arms like streets on a map. Yeah those things. I’m not tan, I have been stuck in side all summer so I know I can see them, it’s beyond me how some one with a RN education and what I trust to be experience in doing IV’s cant find a freakin vein! A different nurse finally put one in on my hand, in mere seconds, which was a relief, but still in pain and still no one was trying to call my husband for me.
Once again, wheel chair enters the room. Unhhh, cant the bed move. I am tired of getting up, remember contractions. I am super bad labor bitch at this point. Excuse the language, but I am the comparable “bridezilla” but in labor. All with out my husband. I make it though. I am super girl…I can do this I keep telling myself, I think I can I think I can. LOL. We get to the OR, and pause for the cause of washing the hands and dressing in scrubs for the two nurses, that probably will have had the worst night ever because of my rudeness. But really, come on, call my husband!!!
We go into the OR, and I am still being brave breathing through my contractions. I am now sitting on the side of this table, that looks like the crucifies cross. The little Asian nurse is standing in front of me and trying to help me relax. I hear a nurse call the anasteasioligist and say, “OK, well see you in 25” Hun, your joking right, 25 minutes. I think my uterus exploded about 30min ago. Breath, Diana, be brave you can do this. How is it possible that with every contraction they get harder. Isn’t there a point when they just stay one strength? I mean really? Women are tough incredible creatures, but this was torture. It started getting so painful that I was hunched over and had my eyes closed as tight as possible. This little nurse was trying to help me calm down but she barely spoke English and was NOT what I wanted to hear. In between the pain from hell, I kept telling them I needed my husband. He needs to be here. FINALLY, the anesteasieaologist walked in and was the best thing since baked chicken to me.
I have never had a spinal before. As soon as he was done with the little torture he had for me, starting at my toes traveling up, I was numb. I could not feel a thing, thank you god. Although, now I am laying on the cross with my arms stretched out to my sides, in crucifix position and I cant even feel my self breath. I tried to look around but really cant see much but this bright white room, so I close my eyes. Just breath I keep telling my slef, just breath. Dr. Gray came in and asked how I was doing. I kind of just said K. They lifted the blue sheet in front of me and I could feel them doing something, like the table it’s self is moving and rocking. As strong as I am, at this point I am in tears, I am scared to death, I can’t feel my self breath, or swallow and I have no one here beside me. I just kept telling my self that I will be fine. I am NOT going to be sick and I am strong….
The anesthesiologist was un happy with my wires and said he had to fix them. My IV was on my left hand, my blood pressure cuff was on my right, but the pumps were opposite so the IV and the blood pressure wires were criss crossed across my chest and neck. I opened my eyes and I saw Dr. Gray get up. A nurse popped her head in and next thing I know, a freaking angel. My husband was walking around my body to sit behind the curtain next to my head. My prayers have been answered and not a moment to soon. I remember trying to grab his hand but not being able to move my hand or arms. He got close to me and I could tell he was worried, scared and just as freaked out as I was. All I could see was his eyes. But that is all I needed. My compassionate, loving, caring rock of a husband, completely calmed me down and made my fears disappear, with a simple look deep into my eyes. I smiled under the oxygen mask and said “I get to be skinny again!”
I hear this tiny little lamb cry, some suction and then a whale of a cry, and more suction. They were here!! Dr. Gray, said you got a boy and a girl….she told me she was just sucking out some of the amniotic fluid and blood. I said, “I don’t care, just tie my tubes.” It was pretty relieving to hear them cry I must admit. Then she told me that both their cords were wrapped around their necks and Caylee’s was around once and then up and over her face, so we would have ended up in the OR if I would have stuck with the vaginal birth I originally wanted to try for. She was talking me through everything she was doing at this point. I’m cleaning out here, sucking up there and sewing up all. She re assured me that my tubes had been ties, LOL I was ONLY worried about that, and that my star tattoo was not part of the incision. My children would have been devastated if it was.
So, they get me sewed up, cleaned up and onto a rolling bed and are whisking me away to the recovery pit stop before the final destination of my recovery room in which I would make my new address for 4 long days! Dave was sitting in the chairs along the wall just staring at me. I looked at him and asked what was the matter, I’m skinny and alive what more could we want?? He was still is shock of coming back to the hospital and not finding me in triage or in a room, but lying on an operating table, cut open. YES, cut open. My husband was let into the delivery OR, AFTER I had been cut open. That is completely shocking and devastating to walk into a bright room, where 15 people are doing their thing around your half naked wife that is lying on a table cut in half. Plus he was un-able to see my face until he walked around the bottom half of me.
I delivered at 4:09 and 4:10am. Caylee was 4.11 and Carson was 5lbs. The nurse that was watching my vitals and hooking me up to yet another machine said, that the babies were small but doing well. At this point Dr. Gray came into see me. After she had cleaned herself and out of OR scrubs. She told me that Carson’s water had officially ruptured at some point. Because of Caylee’s position she was not allowing fluid to pass through the canal, which put my body into toxic shock. Which is why I was shivering and shaking yet had a fever or 104.9. Ahhh, yah. Thank the lord she knows me well enough not to give me that information until now. My blood pressure at the time of the fever was 86 over 32, and I was in such a high hypertensive shock delivery was an absolute emergency. But she played it off well and calmly said we are going to deliver. I love her for that!! So here I am, still numb but now going through more toxic drain things and having shots and tubes and all sort of stuff going on. But I can’t feel anything and I am glad that the babies are doing good! I get stable enough where it looks as if I will be ok, so they move me up to my room. My new nurse followed us in and told my husband that due to my “state” it would be just him to visit me until I am 100% stable, and to please let my friends and family know. That scared me. They only do that if you have a high risk of crashing and being whisked away to get fixed. Which the best place to have a health emergency is in the hospital, but still, I wanted to hear everything is fine and I will be OK.
At 8am, the room phone rings. I knew that it was not any friends or family since the hospital was not giving out information yet, so I picked it up. It was the neonatologist that was working with the babies. She told me that Carson was doing just fine, but Caylee had a heart arrhythmia. She said that her heart structurally was fine but that it was beating at 400 and it should be around 200. She needed to take her over to Children’s Hospital, which lucky for us is across the parking lot and rated top in California. I had to jump in at that point and make sure that she knew that I was a surrogate and that I was not the mother. She knew but wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. That was sweet.
A while later my husband went home to get some sleep since there was so much going on with me and he had none at all. But I was stable enough where I was out of danger. The next few hours were a blur. I know I talked to Chad, Rebecca, Yvonne, Crystal and Jody. What I said, not so sure of.
Around 4pm the front desk called and said that I had a few visitors. Sweet. My grandma was first. Lovely lady, she came in a massaged my still swollen feet. Then my mom came up and then my dad about 15 minutes later. Then after about 25min, Yvonne pops into the room. My mom, Dad (they are divorced) and Yvonne all brought beautiful flowers to brighten up my room. A little old lady from the gift shop popped in next with a basket of flowers from Chad for me. Uh, that was sweet. It was in HER writing and just said from Chad, but still nice that you would send something. I think I got more flowers this delivery then I got when I delivered my own kids. In fact I think I got one arrangement when I delivered my first and that was the extent of my flower experience. I think it is because my family knows that I hate flowers, they die. Engh. It’s funny though that we bring a gift that when it is cut it naturally begins to die, to celebrate the beginning of a life.
I had prepared myself as much as possible before my c-section the past few weeks. I grilled every one that I knew that had one, read on line talked to Jody every day to see what to expect. All were agreed that the second day is the hardest! Uhhh, yeah! I woke up at 5am and about died. Burning, cramping and in just pain. It freaking hurt. At 12am my nurse took out my catheter and I was on my own for bathroom. So, here I am in pain, I have to pee and that door seems like football fields away. I am half way on my side and leaning up and breathing hard. I finally got myself in a sitting position but now that I am standing, I can’t stand straight. I look like a little hunched back old lady. But hey, what’s that…there are my feet! Whoo hoo. I think I lost my feet around July some time.
I am sitting in the hospital, trying to
So needless to say, I am in pain but on medications and recovering. I had a very hard time recovering and still in a lot of pain at this point.